Who I am

Lately I have spent a lot of time in reflection... Who I was, who I am and how much influence my past holds on my future as it is unfolding before my eyes. I'm not proud of who I have been, or should I say who I am? Although I feel like I have changed, sometimes I look in the mirror and still see the same reflection. Anger, obsession, fear, anxiety, depression, failure, just some of the many faces that I wear. Sometimes I'm not sure I've put any of my past truly behind me, it haunts me, stealing the very air I breathe.  My failures and anxiety stop me from being the person I could be. Most people don't know me, not the real me. At church one time I heard a pastor say that if you knew the deepest secret of those sitting next to you then you probably wouldn't want to be sitting there. I'm that person sitting next to you. I know there is hope, I do, I feel it, every now and then. Deep down my soul is screaming passionate triumph over the faults of my mortal body, But right now I feel defeated.